Best Friends Forever!

“As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have a ton of friends, and more important to have real ones.” 

        Friends are the greatest. They are who you spend some of you greatest memories, accomplishments, and failures with. Friends are there for you when you need a “pick me up.” In many instances, I have depended on my friends for comfort and support. i know I wouldn’t be where I am today, or even who I am today if it wasn’t for the great friends I have.

        I have lost some of my greatest friends my senior year, and it was heartbreaking and really difficult for me to go through. However, since coming to Eastern I have found the greatest friends that I could EVER ask for. They have given me more love and support than any of my other friends have. I tend to believe there is a reason as to why everything happens. I know I lost friends so I can gain even better ones with coming to Eastern.

        The support I receive from my friends is tremendous. There have been several instances since coming to college where I have felt pretty low about myself. From past experiences, I have learned to reach out when I feel that way. I was hesitant to do that at first since I didn’t have a close relationship with anyone at Eastern yet, but I am so thankful I did. I put myself out there and received so much comfort in return. I will forever be grateful for all God has given me since coming to Eastern.

       Throughout high school I would often say “I have no friends.” Looking back now, I was wrong. I did have friends, but they weren’t always the best ones and didn’t give me a great friendship. I often felt alone and that I was putting more effort into maintaining a friendship than they were. It was hurtful knowing I cared more about the friendship than they did, but I learned great lessons from it. I learned how to be a great friend to others. Also, I learned when enough is enough and when certain people are not benefiting me.

        My advice to you, if you are feeling alone, reach out to someone. Make friends and become part of a community. Even if it is just one or two friends, you will feel so much better. Having a support system from friends is the best feeling in the world. Once you find “your” group of people or friends, grab them tight and never let go.

Keep Calm & Cope On!

A Letter to the Girl Who Feels Worthless...

         Waking up and getting out of bed can be the hardest obstacle you face for the day. You wake up, look in the mirror, and you see a waste of space. You don’t see a girl who is “wonderfully and beautifully made.” Your existence feels just as important as the dirt on the bottom of your shoe. How are you supposed to go on with your day and be successful when you feel like everything you do is pointless? What do you do when you feel like your life has no purpose? You are just a number to add to the population on the ten year consensus. You wake up and hope that this will be the last day you feel this way or something really positive and exciting will happen to change your mind set, but then you wake up the next day feeling the same way. No matter what you do, no matter who you talk to, no matter how hard you try to “fake it until you make it” you can’t shake off this large, heavy coat that drags you down deeper every single day. Eventually, you feel exhausted and emotionally drained. You catch yourself in a blank stare at the floor when you should be taking notes and focusing on school so you can get those straight A’s to make your family proud. But you don’t get those straight A’s. Then BOOM. There it is. 

Worthless. 
Useless. 
Stupid. 
Underappreciated. 
Undervalued. 
Insignificant. 
YOU ARE NOTHING.

 It is just one big never ending circle. How do you escape? Can you escape?

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        Woah. BACK TO REALITY. That is not true. Even if you feel like that description is an accurate representation of your feelings, it is not true at all. None of it. Don’t let yourself believe those things. Once you believe them they become your daily thought process. I know because I have been waking up feeling this way lately. I’ve been working to try to fix the way I think, but it has been very difficult.  I’ve learned from some of the experiences I’ve been through with negative people in my life that the reason I feel worthless is because of them and their own insecurities. I have no reason to feel the way I do, other than the fact that other people have told me I’m worthless so many times that I have engraved it in my mind. Now I just need to reroute my mental process and change my cognitive thinking. I hope that if anyone reading this feels this way, you step back and look at your life. Look at your experiences and look at what you’ve accomplished. Compare the negatives to the positives and I promise you the positives will always come out on top. You might not believe me now, and it might be a hard concept to grasp, but I promise you it’s true. You ARE wonderfully and beautifully made. 

Keep Calm & Cope On!

It's Okay to Cry

Usually when you see someone crying the in corner, it’s seen as weakness.  Many people try to hold back their tears in fear they will be ridiculed or judged. However, CRYING IS OKAY. Not going to lie, I cry almost every day. (Which may be a little excessive, but I don’t mind it.) It might only be a tear or two, but it I still cry. When I’m really, really emotional my crying will be a lot worse. Seriously, crying is okay!

Crying, along with laughing from my previous post, can actually be healthy for you. For one, when you cry your tears help you to see better and they clean out bacteria in your eyes. Also, crying can help to fix your mood. This happens by lowering a possible high manganese level, which would originally cause anxiety, stress, and irritability. Even more, tears are the most beneficial for you. They help to clean out your nose and your eyes. If enough tears get into your nose, it can loosen up mucus and help clean your nose of bacteria.  It might sound very technical and confusing, but it’s just how the body works. In all, crying has health benefits that will allow you to feel more at ease if you need to cry.

                

           Many people bottle up their emotions and they become a ticking time bomb until they blow up. Crying can help to relieve these bottled up emotions. Crying every now and then will help to feel better before completely blowing up. It is very unhealthy to keep everything to yourself so my advice is to just cry it out.

            Crying is a way that I cope with my problems majority of the time. I cry when I’m happy and when I’m sad. When I know I need a really good cry I will take a long, hot, and relaxing shower. If you’re a person who is afraid to cry, just give it a try sometime. You might actually feel better in the end.

*Sometimes a good cry is just what you need to release all the hurt you have built up inside.*

Keep Calm & Cope On!

Laugh it Out

One coping technique that has worked for me throughout the years of my struggles is laughing. Laughing is a free and fun way to enjoy you. Usually, I laugh with the help of my friends, but I always enjoy making myself laugh as well. I know it might sound really simple and doesn’t seem like it would actually help if you are feeling down, but trust me, it does. However, I don’t want you to think a serious mental illness can be laughed off, because it can’t. Allowing a dosage of laughter into your everyday life will indeed make you feel better. The sound of raging laughter is more contagious than a cough, yawn, or sneeze.

Even more, there are great health benefits to laughing as well. First, laughing relaxes your whole body, relieving stress and tension. Your muscles will be relaxed for about up to 45 minutes after a good laugh. Second, laughing reduces stress hormones and increases immune cells, creating a stronger immune system, keeping you healthier. A final example is that laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. In all, laughter makes you feel better. It adds extra joy to your life, improves mood, and relaxes your body.

I love to laugh. I love to make others laugh. If I need a good laugh, I usually got to YouTube and type in “funny animal videos” or “babies laughing” and I usually find a good laugh. If you need a good laugh, visit this website that has great jokes that will make you laugh! (They make me laugh, at least.)

Here's a video of funny dogs! :)

Keep Calm & Cope On!

The Not-so-Good Ways to Cope! (Uh-Oh)

Whether it is the week of midterms or you know you have an overwhelming day approaching, everyone has different stresses that can easily drive them up the wall. Usually in these stresses is when people will find the ways in which they cope. Unfortunately, sometimes they see the coping techniques they use are actually making the worrying situations worse. In this case, they are coping negatively.

Bear with me as I tell you a story…

Once there was a girl who at the young age of 13 years old was told she has mild depression on top of dealing with many previous years of unnecessary stress that was added to her life. It wasn’t shocking news to her, because she already had an inclination that she had something wrong with her.  Before she was diagnosed she had already knocked herself down and had given herself a low self-esteem and self-value. 

As a result she started to put herself in danger. She would purposely put herself in risky situations that could possibly end her life. She would stay up late and wake up early, barely eat, and harm herself on a daily basis. When she had a terrible day she would put a razor to her skin. In return she was left with wounds that she would have to hide and later feel ashamed of. It was a never ending process and her therapist had to really work with her to change these ways. Eventually, she found other ways to cope with her sadness and self hatred. She is doing very well and is feeling great lately. With a bittersweet heart, that girl is me.

It took me some time, but I eventually realized the actions I did against myself I were not helping to fix the problem. I learned that cutting my body only made me feel worse in the end, and I had to go an extra mile to cover up what I did. I was coping very negatively. In the process of understanding how bad I was coping I realized other thoughts I had were affecting me negatively.

Here are some coping mechanisms people may not realize that are negative:

• Driving fast in a car
• Chewing your nails
• Avoiding friends and family
• Yelling at others
• Procrastination

Some others, maybe obvious ones, are self-mutilation, using drugs and alcohol, negative criticism of oneself, lying, eating too much or too less, and doubt. If you know what negative coping techniques are you’re one step ahead because you can avoid them from the beginning. I’m glad to say I found ways to cope positively, although it is still hard at times. I believe everyone can find a way to escape their negative coping mechanisms, no matter how hard the struggle can be. 

If you or anyone you know has a tendency to use negative coping techniques, either talk to them or seek help. It is important that you keep yourself safe and healthy. If you ever need someone to talk to, or know someone who is in danger, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Don't be hesitant to call, trust me. 

In all you do, know you are worth it, no matter the situation.

Keep Calm & Cope On!

Positive Coping! (YAY!)

In my journey of finding what coping techniques worked for me, I spent some time in the negative coping arena. It wasn’t one of the most proud moments in my life, but I made it through which is all that matters to me. I had to change my mind set to begin to accept more positive coping techniques.

Some of the generic or most known coping techniques are exercise, reading, writing, or listening to music. These are skills I believe college students use a lot because they are easy to do. But, in my quest to find coping mechanisms that worked for me, those listed above weren’t enough for me. I love to exercise so I would try to hit the gym three times a week, but I also had dance classes every night so I had to be careful not to overdo it. Reading was hard for me because I’ve always had a busy schedule and I couldn’t find the time to sit down to read.  I still journal and write and it has grown on me more over the years. I make special time to just sit down and write out all of my feelings and thoughts that have been building up. Listening to music is always fun, but it becomes an action of everyday life for teenagers, so it can be hard to find it as a coping technique.

After doing more research and experimenting, I’ve found some great techniques that work for me very well. First, I love when things are organized and clean. Whenever I feel down or stressed I will clean. Some days I would spend all day cleaning my room. From doing laundry to vacuuming my floor and cleaning my mirrors, I would do it all. Some days, I would even organize my closet. Throughout most of high school, my closet was color coordinated. When I had friends over they would notice and make a comment, but I loved it and kept me calm. Another coping mechanism that really worked for me was when I painted my nails or would play with different hairstyles. I would do things to pamper myself and make myself feel good. If I had the time, I would make a whole day out of it by taking a nice long shower, drying my hair, styling it, and painting my nails. I would have my own low-key spa day, without spending money. However, shopping and spending money can work as a coping mechanism as well. (Retail therapy is REAL). There are some other little techniques I use like surrounding myself by my best friends, laughing, and making others laugh.

My techniques may not work for you, but I suggest you give them a try! I didn’t even realize some of the coping techniques I used would actually help me or were even considered coping techniques.

 Here are some other techniques that have worked for me, or ones that I would like to try and suggest you try, too:

• Play with a pet
• Watch a favorite TV show or movie
• Rip paper into little tiny pieces
• Cry it out
• Go on a walk
• Go for  a really long drive
• Read the Bible
• Stretch
• Find a new music artist or listen to a different genre from what you’re used to

 I hope you can try some of these techniques. Let me know how they work out for you, so I can learn more about how it helped you.

One important skill I didn’t mention is using God. (If you’re a Christian that is.) It was hard for me at first to wrap my head around this concept, and it still is at times. Rely and pray to God and He will answers your prayers and lift your problems up from you. I only started to read my Bible within the past year and a half, but it has helped me a lot. God loves us more than we can ever imagine. Below is a video of a woman’s story of how was stress and what she did to help her get through it, and how she used God to help her.

I hope this blog post can encourage you to search and test out positive coping mechanisms that work for you.

Keep Calm & Cope On!

What is Coping?

Coping is simply defined as facing or dealing with responsibilities, problems, or difficulties, especially successfully or in a calm or adequate manner (dictionary.com).There are many instances in life when coping is something you'll need to do. I went through a stage in my adolescence where I couldn't personally cope with the situations in my life at the time. I eventually had to seek how to cope and what the purpose of coping was. I learned that coping wasn't a scary or annoying process you had to go through to feel better. Most of the coping techniques I really enjoyed were activities I already did in my life. I learned quickly what coping techniques to use when and how I could benefit the most from the techniques. However, there are positive and negative coping skills, which was a different obstacle I had to overcome. Coping is used to help a person feel better about a particular circumstance in their life. Learning how to cope has helped me tremendously to push through tough times in my life and become the person I am today.